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Children & Second Weddings

Credit : Debbie Segreve Photography

After deciding to get married, it's important that you inform the children about your plans before you tell anyone else. They need to know how this will impact their life. Will there be lots of changes or just a few changes?

If you are still on friendly terms with your ex, share the news and even send an invite (if it won't make an uncomfortable situation). If included, your children will see that they don't have to take "sides" when it comes to their parents.

Children need to know that they are still loved and respected. One way to show them is by including them in your wedding planning. Here are a few suggestions:

  • Let them choose a reading that they may like to read at the ceremony.
  • They can help you create the wedding program.
  • Let them choose a song they would like to sing at the ceremony.
  • Take them along when you go dress shopping.
  • Have them select their own wedding attire (with some restrictions!).
  • If you have a daughter, take her to get her hair, nails and makeup done.
  • Have them choose their own bouquet or boutonniere

Not all children will want to be included. This may be a hard situation for them to handle. If they are old enough, they may resent you for marrying again. If this is the case, don't push them to be involved in your wedding planning. They just need time to adjust.

If all goes well and the children are happy with your decision, there are many ways you can include them in your wedding and make them feel like part of the family. Here are a few suggestions:

  • Have a Family Medallion Ceremony or a Sand Ceremony.
  • Have them walk you down the aisle and give you away.
  • Let them stand with you at the altar as you say your vows.
  • Be a flower girl, ring bearer, usher, bridesmaid or groomsman.
  • Sing a song or play an instrument.
  • Read a poem or passage during the ceremony.
  • Pass out birdseed or rose petals to your guests.
  • Hand a single rose or carnation to each guest

Just remember, the most important thing is that they feel like part of the family!

Family Medallion Ceremony

If a parent gets remarried after a divorce or the death of their spouse, they may decide to have a Family Medallion Ceremony. After the couple exchange wedding rings, their children join them at the altar. The bride and groom will then place a sterling-silver medal around the neck of each child and pledge their love to them. This is a very special ceremony and will definitely make them feel like part of the family.

Sand Ceremony

A wedding sand ceremony provides a unique alternative for your wedding ceremony. During the wedding ceremony, both the bride and groom will pour sand from their own vases into a larger new vase. The new vase then becomes a symbol of their joined life together. With so many colors of sand to choose from its easy to match your wedding colors. A sand ceremony is also an excellent choice for including children in the wedding. (Each child also pours sand into the ceremony vase to symbolize the new family.)  You may also want to consider a unity sand shadow box.