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How many times have you thought to yourself, "Our wedding is about us! Why are our families acting so nuts?" Sorry, brides-to-be, but the reality is that your wedding affects every family member. When you joyfully announced, "We're getting married!" you also announced, "This family is about to undergo some changes."
With your upcoming marriage your family must prepare to:
Change never happens smoothly. Think about how your co-workers react when new procedures are handed down from management. They're grumpily resistant, right? Eventually, after a difficult and raucous adjustment period, the new procedures and changes are integrated.
Families resist change too! On the one hand, your family is out-of-their-mind happy for you about your wedding and marriage. On the other, they want everything to stay the way it is -- with you, their daughter, putting all your energies into their family. They want to maintain the status quo, to keep life as they know it.
Everyone has emotional reactions to change. The three main emotional reactions to change are:
It's difficult to feel these raw feelings. Most people don't understand that a difficult feeling, once deeply felt, dissipates and goes away. Most are afraid of these big feelings. It's also confusing to feel these raw feelings. Especially during your engagement, when everyone is "supposed" to be happy!
This explains everyone's crazy behavior! To some extent, every family member is feeling sadness, fear, and anger about your upcoming marriage -- it's normal, natural, and human to have these "darker" reactions. However, most are unaware of these difficult feelings or they're desperately trying to deny them.
Instead of feeling sadness, fear and anger, most people focus on the wedding. Why? It's more comfortable to get in a tizzy about bridesmaids dresses, budgets, and flower arrangements than to grieve, be afraid or be angry.
What can you do to stop the insanity???
From Allison Moir-Smith's Emotionally Engaged: A Bride's Guide to Surving the "Happiest" Time of Her Life
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Quick Guide to Planning a Massachusetts Wedding
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